Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't turn off my feet"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
