She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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