i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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