Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
