Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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