there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
