So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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