I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're too hungover to prance.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
