fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
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