No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
