I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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