I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
