Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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