i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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