I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As shirtless as possible
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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