Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
