He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
