Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
