the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think your dad took our porno
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
