i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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