Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
