It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
