I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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