He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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