i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
