she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
