i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
