So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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