I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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