it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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