Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
