Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
