I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
