she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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