so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Mom said you looked used
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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