I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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