worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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