I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
