You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im holly from the hills drunk
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
