Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
