best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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