My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
