I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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