He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
