dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we're so committed to being not committed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
