Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
