Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
