It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
