On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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