I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
As shirtless as possible
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
